The Possibilities Are Endless
and how we choose
Structure
Is it just me or do the choices seem endless, especially this time of year? I know I tend to travel with people who are students, seekers, artists, writers, thinkers, and the result of that is a myriad of options. I also realize that I am a woman of privilege, that my basic needs are met so I have the opportunity to explore in ways many do not.
This is clearly and matter-of-factly stated in Erica J. Simpson’s If You Ever Find Yourself and it broke my heart.
Finding the right structure for my life seems to be a constant work in progress. How much of this? How much of that? How much time in the bookstores? How many tarot and enneagram clients a week? Do I deserve to go on a retreat this year? If I do, there are six or seven which sound amazing. How much time am I spending thinking about what I should do, and how much time am I actually spending DOING?
Presence
I’m a planner, always have been and get enormous pleasure out of knowing what the structure of my days and weeks are going to be at least a couple of months forward. In fact when I worked in the corporate world that was my title: PLANNER. The problem with planning is that I get caught in a trap of spending so much time planning that I miss my meditation practice, lose time I could be working on my book or materials for my website, choose takeout over cooking at home. Obvious to me is that my looking to the future to make sure it’s all straight, gets in the way of me actually being here right now tapping away at the keys in this moment, thinking.
Goals
Ugh. That word. Love it, hate it. I joined a small group this year (another issue I have is joining too many groups, but this one is gold.) Lynn Roulo leads me and two other women who are also enneagram enthusiasts in a six month accountability practice called Mastermind. We have set very clear goals for six months out and then have monthly goals we set and meet together to discuss, support each other and yes, in a kind and compassionate way, hold each other accountable for. I bring up this group because as I am presented with all these options for planning my year, I need to come back to the goals I have set. Key goals for me are getting my book ready to submit to publishers, my meditation practice, and cooking at home. When I spend too much time in planning mode it is almost like an avoidance technique. It seems awfully organized and productive, but it actually prevents me from doing the very activities I have deemed important. It looks so much better and more efficient than good old procrastination, but in my opinion, it is very similar. So awareness is key. How we spend our time helps define who we are. I don’t have any clear answers for myself right now but have just the slightest hint, an inkling, discernment of a slight shift. Good for now.
Offerings
The past week I have been doing a lot of enneagram consultations. I’ve added them to my web site and it has been really rewarding helping people sort out their types, by talking about their pasts, figuring out their core drives and wounds, and like a detective, finding out more about what makes us all tick.
The new moon will be on Janaury 21st and the next full moon will be on February 5th, called the Snow Moon. I love reading tarot for both of these phases. The New Moon gives us indicators of how we will use our energy in the next cycle, and the full moon helps us understand what we need to release in order to move forward.
What I’m Reading, Watching etc.
Rereading In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado, a masterpiece of a memoir, structurally interesting and as all good memoirs are, truth-telling.
Mesmerized by Break Point on Netflix, a five part documentary series delving into the world of professional tennis from some players’ perspectives.
Tarot Circle
Our next monthly tarot circle will be on Sunday, February 5th, at noon PST, which happens to be the Full Snow Moon. We’ll do a tarot spread for the full moon and I’ll share some learnings about the moon. This circle is for paid subscribers only. I’d love to see you there.