Should I Stay Or Should I Go?
work, therapy, choice, determination
My youngest, Jacob, quit his job of almost three years yesterday. He has always been decisive. As our eldest son Ben (Type Four) wandered the aisles of the toy store, creating anxiety in himself (and us) trying to decide which toy to get, Jacob, two years younger, would survey his surroundings and make a beeline for his choice, usually ready in only a minute or two. Jacob is a Seven and never worried if the choice was perfect or not, he was just pleased to get a toy he knew he’d have fun with. After a half hour or so, we would demand Ben make a decision, which he did reluctantly. Jacob, a Capricorn Sun, has always demonstrated a healthy balance between down to earth rationality, and love of a good time, the proverbial cup half full. Until recently.
My babe, now twenty-five, is in the midst of a quarter-life crisis, which anyone who knows a Type Seven knows this is not the place he wants to be, maybe more than any other enneagram type. Type Sevens tend to put their heads in the sand for sake of protecting the idea that even a bad situation is ok. It’s really hard for them to admit life’s gone a little south. But Jacob texted me, “I think I'm going to give my two weeks notice today.” A few hours later he did. And when they begged him to stay, offered a promotion and a raise, he said no.
I have always believed that no one leaves a job when they are happy. A body at rest stays at rest.
The Six of Swords takes us on a journey, reminds us we are strong enough to move on, to handle what comes next, and that change is part of the Hero’s Journey. It is what makes the journey.
I have been going to therapy almost every week for six years. Those that know me know I love Rebecca. She and I have a real, caring relationship within the bounds of therapy, and she is someone I consider in my inner circle. I started to see her when I had CPTSD from a combination of Ben’s illness and my own past. Two to three years of really hard work, some medication, and a restructuring of my life led me to a place where I could call myself “healthy,” whatever that really means. I finally felt good, after so many years of not. So the past three years we have talked more casually about what’s going on with me. Rebecca has helped me through decisions and bumps in the road, but the days of me sitting and crying for an hour are long gone.
So I thought to myself, therapy is expensive. Maybe I should go down to every other week. And I brought it up at therapy. I was surprised to find myself crying for the first time in a very long time about the possibility of a change in our relationship. We talked about the idea of dependence, and avoidance, and money, and what our relationship means. I will point out that I have always controlled the cash flow in our relationship. When Rebecca went into private practice I was broke, and she asked me how much I wanted to pay. It was pretty minimal. As things improved for me financially I joked with her she was getting a raise, until now I pay $100 a week. There is huge value to therapy with Rebecca, and I cannot ( now)imagine her not in my life. She asked if this was the beginning of our end. Why was I now crying when I considered change in our relationship? Good question. When do we, if ever, leave therapy? Is therapy just for when we are in crisis, or does the weekly relationship with someone who only has our own best interests in mind, help keep us grounded, cared for, in my case nurtured?
It does feel like change is in the air, that the structures I’ve put in place to lead what I again call a healthy life, can shift, maybe must shift, and I’m not sure exactly why, but one sure thing, is I trust myself deeply. I trust that if I feel a shift is coming, it can come. I needn’t be afraid. That being said, Rebecca asked me if we should skip next week. I thought about it for a bit, and said “Let’s talk about it next week.” I am decisive, a woman of action, but this shift can take its time.
Other cards that can indicate changes, journeys, both mental and physical change, include The Fool, The Chariot, Death, The Tower, others as well, each from its unique perspective. Are you feeling change coming to you this season? What feels shifting in your life? What tarot cards come to mind when you think about the shifting?