If Nothing Changes
nothing changes
Last week was the first week in almost two years that I didn’t write a post. Change is in the air. Mostly I’m spending a lot of time thinking about my youngest son Jacob. A week from today he leaves with a one way ticket to Phuket, Thailand. He is twenty-five and has always done the next “right” thing. He got his first job at fourteen, worked through high school, was an RA in college, got a job at UW in his last quarter of college and worked steadily for three years, until this past March. He quite abruptly quit his job without another one lined up, and was in what I can only describe as a quarter life crisis. We would go out to dinner and talk, just the two of us, and he knew he wasn’t happy but didn’t know how to move on to his next right thing.
Jacob has been experiencing what I can best describe as Eight of Swords energy, wanting his life to look different, and not sure how to do it. A certain sense of helplessness comes through when I pull this card, but I always remember how loose the bindings are—they can be removed. Escape is possible. But nothing changes if nothing changes.
My son has lived with his high school friends in a big house for the past four years, since graduating college. At about the same time he began taking Muay Thai lessons. Training and the gym became his passion, the thing that lit him up, kept him coming back. I watched his body and his mind become so strong and powerful, especially after quitting his job, training six hours a day seven days a week. He fought in the big ring in front of large crowds three times this year. Each time I watched I got less anxious and more excited because I saw what he is capable of, and I better understand the ritual and respect of the sport. The rub for him I think was how do you make a hobby your life? How do you turn the activity that really lights you up into your means of support?
Jacob is moving to Thailand, the home of Muay Thai, the place where the sport is like baseball or football here in the U.S., and he is going to train to go pro. He is like The Tower, burning down the old to make room for the new. He is scared, though he would describe it as excited. I am scared. I know change is necessary. He is an adventurer like me. I am proud. We are really close. I trust him.
I have this tendency to use platitudes like change is inevitable and nothing is certain but change. But both can be true at the same time. Change is inevitable, but having some agency over change needs to be instigated—change requires action, internally and often externally simultaneously.
In Tarot we think of the Chariot, protected by structure (the city, the cement block) but moving forward, taking action. Both are true at the same time. The sphinxes pulling the chariot remind us that every adventure contains mystery and the unknown. I like this card when I think of Jacob because he has done so much within the regular structure of the world: bank accounts, jobs, paying his bills on time. Now is his time to leave on his hero’s journey, to experience transformation, to move to the next stage of what it means to be his own man.
Tarot is all about meaning making. I make meaning of what is happening in my life with the cards. Tarot helps me to ask the right questions, using archetypes. I am making meaning of his decisions and movements, and it brings me comfort, because all these experiences he has had and may have going forward, fit into these old ideas of what it means to be human. There are an infinite number of combinations the cards can show up in, as there are so many ways to live a life. Nothing changes if nothing changes. A person can move from stuckness to change I think. But it always involves some kind of risk. The old must move out of the way to make way for the new.
I’ve experienced some stuckness this year, stuck in obligations which are necessary but don’t light me up. I thought my obligations would prevent me from returning to Greece this year. But I’ve been inspired by my child, and will make it happen at the end of August. I will also go to Thailand this winter for the first time, to visit my beloved son. Adventure and travel light me up. This I know. Sacrifices are made no matter if you stay or if you go.
My tarot group which meets every Sunday led by Jessica Dore, will wind down this coming Sunday as we reach the last card in the Major Arcana, The World. We are all feeling the sadness of change, but also know it will make room for more and different kinds of gatherings and learning. I sacrificed my Sunday dog park walk with friends for the past twenty-one Sundays to attend this group. I’ll get my Sunday walks back. So many trade offs in the decisions we make and how we choose to use our time.
If change is in the air for you I challenge you to remember what lights you up and take the risk and grow.
Xo Hanna
P.S. I have a couple of openings for midyear readings. Contact me through my website or send me an e mail at hanna.mc@comcast.net.
Hope you trip to Greece was wonderful and unsticking! And that your trip to Thailand will find your son right where he needs to be.