Discipline

as self love

Photo by Jared Rice on Unsplash

I hate rules. Give me a rule, I'll break it. Tell me I must do something, I’ll tell you why I won’t. This did not always serve me well growing up. It doesn’t always serve me well now. But I am who I am and I didn't grow up with many clear boundaries so I’ve muddled my way through, for better and sometimes, for worse. The positive aspect of not being a rule follower and certainly not being obedient, is that I’ve always had an expansive idea of what is possible. I am essentially an optimist. My motto might be “why not?”

Here's the rub. When you don't grow up with a lot of rules and guidelines, ultimately you need to create and enforce discipline yourself. I watched my mother make decisions based upon why nots and ended up regretting the long term outcomes fairly often (though she said she didn’t regret anything she had done). I pledged to not be as impulsive as she was, and I am not as impulsive as she was, but I am my mother’s daughter. I fly by the seat of my pants.

Last year I impulsively bought a building with my husband and a couple of our friends. It has stretched us pretty thin. It is an investment. Ultimately a developer will buy us out and we’ll make some money. My husband Chris was vehemently opposed to the purchase. He didn’t want to drain the savings and go into debt when we are nearly debt-free. But I pushed and pushed and we did it anyway, a somewhat negative trait of my enneagram type eight. I’m feeling neutral about it right now. It’s not a slam dunk with interest rates going up and our new store sales being mediocre. But I’m an optimist at heart. Everything will be fine. I hope.

Back to discipline. My friend and coach Erin says discipline initially makes her think of punishment, being disciplined. In the Old Testament there is a Hebrew word “musar" which can be translated as discipline in the form of physical punishment. But in Latin the word is “disciplina” and means instruction or training. I suppose some might consider physical punishment to be a form of training but I’ll put that aside as just a terrible idea. Spare the rod, spoil the child. Fuck that. Having just watched Shiny Happy People, which if you haven’t I highly recommend, the subject of physical punishment as a gift is highlighted and turns my stomach.

I like the idea of discipline as self-instruction, self-training. Tracey Benjamin of @shutterbean says discipline is self care. I took a food prep class with her last month and really got into the idea that when we care for ourselves, be it making good food, or taking time to rest, this is discipline. Erin went on to say that perhaps discipline is practice, when we do the same activities over and over again which ultimately serve us well and make us feel better. This feels so right to me.

I go to a pretty intense gym, F45. Some of the members go seven days a week at 5am. They have the kind of discipline I envy but can’t execute without injuring myself. They are taking care of themselves in a way which works for them. When I go four days a week I feel stronger and powerful. My 92 year old father does yoga almost every day. For him I think he truly enjoys it, and at the same time knows he is taking care of himself.

Discipline in the Tarot

Which cards represent discipline in the deck? The answer is not so simple.

We have Temperance:

The idea here is that all is in balance, there is a middle way. We can’t ignore those angel wings which do give a sense of ethical perfection, making the right choices with ease and light. The symbol in the middle of our angel’s chest is the alchemical symbol for fire. I see it as tamed passions, control over those feelings which push us to act outside of our integrity.

Then there is the Chariot:

The Chariot represents that kind of right action and will power that I see at the gym. Mind over matter, moving forward with strength. The Chariot uses structure and a kind of balance, seen with the black and white sphynxes, to conquer, to achieve, to be the best. The Chariot uses his strength and is victorious.

And finally, I think of Strength:

I’ve written about this card a number of times, but not in this context. I love the way our heroine tames the wild beat, that beast being the passions that drive us away from what we truly want, what will bring us joy and satisfaction long term. But she is gentle with the lion, gentle with herself. This I think is my favorite form of discipline, the discipline that involves treating ourselves with care and kindness, not beating ourselves up if the path is not straight or linear. Progress over perfection.

A Change To My Paid Subscriber Model

Tarot Circle has not been well attended so I decided to instead offer each paid subscriber a free tarot reading. Please contact me at hanna.mc@comcast.net and we’ll set up a time to get together, in person or on zoom. Thanks so much for your support.

xoHanna